There are many impressions one might get on a cursory listen to El Schlong?s self-released debut, The Baddies are Coming, and most of them would be glaringly wrong, as I?m sure most of the impressions stated in this review will be. Hopefully, under the casual assumption that at some point they see it, they?ll at least get a good laugh. ?Ha ha ha, he said we sound like Death!? and so forth.

Just a little Death, and not all the time.

The Baddies, as mentioned in the album title, make a militaristic appearance in the opening title track, which on a foundation of warm bass from Nick Baldwin routs a jazzy spazzcore through some admittedly rough production while also showing the death growls and audio plundering that El Schlong emit so casually throughout the disc. The softer piano opening of ?Bungface,? immediately following, is but a momentary respite.

If it already sounds like El Schlong have a hell of a lot going on sonically, they do. The Meshuggah breakdown on ?Bungface? comes on to expand the context even further than it was already, stretching like plastic wrap over a face while screamed vocals from guitarist Leah Hinton play off growls from either Baldwin or drummer Jordan Tredray. Everyone gets a voice in El Schlong. The song tops off by bringing back the mosh riff to lead into the jagged, off-to-the-races math noise of ?The Room,? which is longer, Deathier (!) and works melodic vocals into the mix with squealing black metal guitars and screams. There?s a pervading sense of lightheartedness, in no small part because the band?s name is El Schlong, but like when The Dillinger Escape Plan didn?t give a fuck about anything, these UK-by-way-of-New–Zealand rockers gleefully invite you to stick it — whatever ?it? might be — right up your ass.

?Composting? follows a tapping, sparse groove with some Alice in Chains-style vocals and more screams in a simpler but still effective aesthetic. If there?s anything coming to the fore of The Baddies are Coming here it?s the band?s patience and willingness to not give it all away at once. Certainly it?s the first time they?ve shown that side so far, and the prevailing doom stomp it leads to with the squiggly guitars at the end is all the more satisfying for the slow revelation that got there. ?Composting? is, by the way, the shortest song on the album at 4:55. The slow roll continues through ?The Cow Jumped over the Moon,? the intro of which initially feels like a send-up of sensitive metalcore openings, continuing El Schlong?s tongue-in-cheekery, Tredray providing capable fills throughout, but soon carries on to The Baddies are Coming?s most melodically complex moments vocally. It?s a brand of thinky thinky-ness that is the first of several surprises left in the album?s back half and my personal favorite track on the disc.

The militarism of the opener makes a return in ?Swing Accident,? if partially, and as Hinton?s screams are juxtaposed with death growls over a driving riff, it might otherwise be generic start-stop metalcore if not for an added horn section that pushes it into more classical territory. There?s a jazzier turn after four minutes or so that finishes the song and comes on a little sudden and disjointed, but after all the genre-hopping that?s come before, one can hardly imagine that wasn?t the idea. It works to set up ?Arthur R. Nevilleson-Robertson-Brown,? which relies heavily on its lyrics and the goofy narration of its titular protagonist before more melodic vocals come on and carry the track into its next phase. There is some ambient interplay and soon enough the stage is set for ?Harbour Cone,? the finale of The Baddies are Coming and longest of the bunch at a fully-utilized 10:52.

More Death in the intro (it?s there, I?m telling you, it?s there!) dispersing quickly into a chugging riff and lowercase ?d? death growls as Hinton and company once more display their propensity for trading off parts. Apart from a creepy piano segment around the three-minute mark, there isn?t much previously unheard — the horns come back as well — but what ?Harbour Cone? does more than anything else is reaffirm the smoothness of their transitions.

Like someone trying to convince you cheddar cheese and a hairbrush are the same thing, they approach their sound as if all is given, totally normal, the way things work. As an act making their debut, the trio is remarkably adept at it, and while I can?t imagine there wasn?t something better fitting their sound and the depth of their songwriting capability they could have called themselves than El Schlong, Hinton, Baldwin and Tredray go an impressive first round with convention and lay the majority of the bruises on their opponent while coming out with just enough of their own to have earned some character.

El Schlong on MySpace

El Schlong’s Regular Old Website

Tags: dick jokes, El Schlong, UK, Unsigned bands

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 at 11:09 am and is filed under Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.