Scott Kelly Retires; Admits to Domestic Abuse
This, obviously, is bigger than music. This is a human being and their family. Given the circumstances, it doesn’t feel right to speculate what might happen with Neurosis or any of his other projects in the longer term, so I’ll just say that if this was the situation, he’s probably right to step back. We all know that ‘permanent’ is a fluid idea when it comes to things like band breakups and retirements, so if you’re down about the prospect of no more music from Kelly, first, maybe you’ve missed the point a little and want to look at that, and second, never say never. But again, there are larger concerns at play here.
Best to Scott Kelly’s family on behalf of this site and myself, and hope for healing all around.
If you or someone you know is suffering under domestic violence, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233. And no, a hotline isn’t enough and one can feel trapped, paralyzed, terrorized. It happens every day. But if that’s you, know that you’re not alone no matter how much you’ve been made to feel you are.
From social media:
Scott Kelly on abusing family and retiring from music:
Due to recent events, I feel that I clearly need to address some rumors and set the record straight. For the past several years I have engaged in the emotional, financial, verbal and physical abuse of my wife and younger children. When I became paranoid that people were going to find out, I found ways to keep my wife and kids from work and school and created divisions with friends and family members. I became obsessed with control and used threats, manipulation, threats of self-harm and suicide, inflicted physical damage on people and their reputations all to keep that control. When I knew my wife was going to leave I tried to convince her and others that I was crazy, and seeing things, and that I did not know what I was doing. She tried to help me with therapy and psychiatrists. My lies and deceptions fell apart in front of the professionals. When my wife finally tried to leave, I stalked and harassed her day and night and caused her and our youngest to live in a constant state of fear. I have lied or told half truths to so many people about so much of this that I can’t keep track of them. I don’t want to lie about any of this anymore. I love my wife to no end. She is the best person that I know. She is intensely honest, loving and good to her core. This letter is massive simplification of the irreparable damage I have caused and the unforgivable things that I’ve done to her and our kids. To say more in this public forum would not help anyone. As the truth has started to leak out there have been people who have tried to blame my wife for my abuse to give me an out and people who have spread ridiculous and damaging rumors about her. This is fucked. She deserves so much better. If you are adopting this mentality or spreading these rumors you need to fucking stop. I have some serious issues that I am dealing with and I have separated myself from anyone who is connected with my public life so that I can focus on my own toxic shit. When my wife has been kind enough to answer questions about my absence, she has faced crazy accusations. There was a recent situation that was so fucked up that it necessitated immediate action on my part to set the record straight. My wife absolutely speaks for me in my absence and I have already said she is intensely honest. If you don’t want the truth definitely don’t ask her questions. Additionally it is never appropriate to approach or question our children.
I know now that choosing to live a public life and be onstage was the worst decision that I could have made given the way that I am. I have hidden behind the attention and unfounded respect and adulation. I used my social position to directly and indirectly manipulate all of you and to hide the abuse of my family. I got satisfaction from my deception and perceived control of everyone involved. I am 100% permanently retired from being a professional musician. Some people can be in a scene like this where there is no accountability and maintain their integrity. I cannot. My sole focus for the rest of my life is on taking care of my family, allowing them safe space to heal and rebuilding their trust. I hope putting this out there will protect my wife from further attacks and finally allow my family some peace.
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Tags: California, Neurosis, Oakland, Scott Kelly, Shrinebuilder
Thanks for sharing this here.
Condolences to Scott’s wife and kids.
The weight of this elephantine-ly negative tale eclipses any part of any song on any record ever recorded by any artist/band in human history.
It is atrocious that Scotts’ narrative is the first to have emerged. Far more atrocious, from a 30,000 feet view, is what those words are saying, and how easily they are allowed to exist. I’ve never met the man nor now have any desire to, but to say that anyone may be “down” about the possibility of no more tunes from this obviously admitted sociopath (know the difference – psychopaths see no wrong in their doings – sociopaths see their wrongs but do them regardless) is, for sure, missing the point. If Neurosis goes on without him, good, cool, if not, good, cool. The issue isn’t regarding music and the narrative that is allowed to take place that purports to make any issue of it is patently false; a red herring. It’s not that there is a larger issue at play; there is ONE issue here, and it is NOT about music. The issue in reality exists not because a sociopath happens to be a musician, and a bonafide decades-long mask has he worn, but because he did these things for so long, got away with it for so long, and has crafted a story to suit his selfish needs for so long that eventually, the weight of the lie was crushed, as inevitably as history always unfurls, by the weight of the truth of the matter.
Truth of the matter, dude is a monster, and the idea of saying this is about “a human being and their family” is a part of that. It is about a sociopath crumbling, maybe he’ll rebuild, maybe he’ll get help and grow, maybe he is incapable of such things. He doesn’t own his family; they don’t belong to him, they are not his family; they are the human beings used as pawns in his game, that he manipulated and brought into this life/lifestyle to be treated as such.
The game is over, the jig is up, I’m really glad that the gig is up, because if this becomes a Tim Lambesis-style redemption story, fuck Neurosis and everything they purported to once stand for, I’m out. Being a musician or any other mask a person happens to don to cover their tracks is not an excuse for laying those tracks, driving that out-of-control train off those rails and caring not an ounce for the collateral damage of the human passengers that didn’t believe they bought a ticket for that trip at the time they boarded.
If you can’t conduct yourself as a person, whether it’s because you don’t want or are incapable of being a person, you shouldn’t be wearing the conductors’ hat; you shouldn’t be allowed to operate the train, and you sure as shit, legally, shouldn’t be allowed to take passengers hostage with you on your mission to the town of inhumanity.
If this is more complex than that, great, someone other than a the sociopath gets to write the real narrative. If this is as simple as that, great, let someone other than the sociopath get to speak to the truth.
JJ, I appreciate the speaking to this matter, I do; but (in my opinion), to interject something regarding music into this is exactly what the sociopath wants, the distraction from the truth.
I’m not buying that narrative and neither should any of us, whether we are Neurosis fans, Scott Kelly solo fans, Absent In Body fans or not is completely irrelevant. This is too big for letting the music do the talking, I should not separate art from artist, if artist can’t separate the mask of sociopathy from reality.
If you’ve read this far, thanks. I’m processing as everyone else. I hope closure, peace, safety and total and complete freedom for her and her children arrives soon, and permanently; regardless of whatever Scott does or doesn’t decide to do with his conscience (and regardless of what an admitted sociopath is or is not capable of doing with said conscience) is not to be my concern.
I think actually we agree on a lot of this, but to say music doesn’t matter in this case I believe is incorrect. Music is why this matters. Otherwise, he’d just be another abuser among the millions and not worth discussing at all. This matters because his abuse negates his 35-plus years of creative output, and given the scope and influence of that output, it’s a big deal. I don’t think you’re wrong to write him off. I can’t really imagine listening to Neurosis again at this point and not feeling dirty or lied to.