The Obelisk Questionnaire: Dave Kirk of Empty Friend
The Obelisk Questionnaire is a series of open questions intended to give the answerer an opportunity to explore these ideas and stories from their life as deeply as they choose. Answers can be short or long, and that reveals something in itself, but the most important factor is honesty.
Based on the Proust Questionnaire, the goal over time is to show a diverse range of perspectives as those who take part bring their own points of view to answering the same questions. To see all The Obelisk Questionnaire posts, click here.
Thank you for reading and thanks to all who participate.
The Obelisk Questionnaire: Dave Kirk from Empty Friend
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How do you define what you do and how did you come to do it?
I sing and write lyrics for a band called Empty Friend in London, UK, and I also run a collective of likeminded heavy bands called Civil War UK, which runs quarterly shows and releases annual sampler albums.
Coming from a family of musicians, a life in music was kind of inevitable. My mother was a ’60s-’70s club-circuit folk singer and my dad was a choir boy and then a bassist in later years. I grew up attending and helping out at their shows, and I appeared onstage a few times as a child doing some cover songs. I did theatre at school, and I got into my first rock bands as a teenager, originally messing around on the drums during the late grunge era, but singing was really what I was best at as my confidence grew. Since then I’ve played in various undergound rock bands in Oxford and London.
Describe your first musical memory.
I can just about remember my mum bouncing me on her knee and singing me songs when I was a toddler – that’s probably the very first. I remember her singing proper folk songs at parties, and singing in church from when I was probably four or five. I heard a lot of ‘popular folk’ music at home like Joan Baez, Simon & Garfunkel, Everly Brothers, Donovan and Elvis from my mum early on, but around six or seven I started hearing more of my dad’s rock stuff. He played a lot of Queen, The Beatles, Led Zepellin, The Police etc and something about it blew my mind. One of my most vivid, specific memory from that particular time was watching a VHS tape that my mum had of Elvis’s ‘1968 Comeback Special’, looking great (not ‘fat Elvis’) and playing a killer, live, unedited and stripped back set. I was just mesmerized by the whole thing and watched it a hundred times. The songs, his performance, the stage set up ‘in the round’ as I recall, the intimate crowd, the show.
Describe your best musical memory to date.
Playing, or watching? In terms of playing in recent years, it would be a show we played in Camden Town at the Unicorn – the very first Civil War show I ran back in 2019 (CWL I). Me and the Empty Friend lads played a solid show to a very enthusiastic crowd, and we invited several bands we knew from the scene (Gramma Vedetta and Desert Clouds in particular) to join us on the bill, and it was a really great night. Those guys have become some of our very best friends in music since then, and it was the show that really kicked things off.
In terms of watching live shows, my favourite memory (one of many), is lucking out and getting ballot tickets to see Led Zeppelin play their one-off reunion show at the 02 in London in 2007 with my brother. Jason Bonham came in on the drums, the other Zep guys were all really up for it, and the show was incredible. It was like being given a once in a lifetime chance to see something that should have been over, but that came back to life for just one night. Second to that was seeing Soundgarden (supporting Black Sabbath, alongside Faith No More and Motörhead) at Hyde Park in London in 2014. I saw Chris Cornell perform live for the first time, and he sang ‘Black Hole Sun’ stood out in the rain as it fell that evening, and it was perfect. It was at that show that I met up with my friend Karl (drums), and got introduced to his other friend Ryan (guitar), the guys with whom I would start up Empty Friend the year after. That was a seminal show for us as a band.
When was a time when a firmly held belief was tested?
I think this happens all the time. Life forces you to constantly confront, reassess, and ultimately – accept or reject – the various views and beliefs that you hold. Some beliefs you are taught, some you learn, and some can just change with time. I have my own religious beliefs and principles, but I keep them very private unless specifically asked by people I trust. I wouldn’t ever push my beliefs on others. If you are not prepared to examine, consider, and potentially alter your beliefs, when tested, then I think that probably makes you either a fool or a fanatic.
Where do you feel artistic progression leads?
That’s a great question, and I think it depends on the artist. What I see with my bandmates is that they are often trying to push boundaries in terms of technical ability and musicality, experimenting with more progressive ideas, which is totally valid and is very impressive to watch as they keep pushing themselves. On the other hand, I often find myself drawn more to simplicity in my own songwriting. Maybe between us we achieve a balance in that way.
I’m a big fan of ‘Less flash, more smash’ you know? It can be tempting to think that complexity is the height of artistic achievement, but for me, ‘simple but effective’ is where the timeless stuff is found. You mentioned honesty in the opening statement of this questionnaire, and I think that is a key part. Simplicity is closely related to honesty. When I was younger I didn’t really have much to actually say, you know, so I wrote songs and lyrics about what I thought people wanted to hear, but looking back, that was not being honest. Having lived life, having struggled, and having taken some real knocks now, I have way more insight and I am much better able to write from a position of honesty. Personally, I think singing songs and lyrics that you have ‘lived’ definitely makes for better music. Once in a while I hear a song, a great song, and I know that it (the moment, the hurt, or the feeling) was true for the writer.
In answer to your question, maybe artistic progression gets you nearer to the truth, whatever that is for you.
How do you define success?
If you can live your life without hurting other people, if you can make some kind of difference, however small, and if you can look back at your life without too much regret, then your life has been a success. Some regret is unavoidable, because in life you have to choose (even not choosing is a choice), and sometimes we get it wrong. That’s normal. But haunting regret is not success, it’s the opposite. When I was a teenager I used to think success was ‘making it’ in a band, but being in underground bands that fill small venues and can show the crowd a good time on a Friday or Saturday night – that’s success too. The endless acquisition of money, to me, is not success. It’s a waste of life. Success is personal to each person I suppose, but some of the best people I know don’t give a shit about traditional success.
What is something you have seen that you wish you hadn’t?
When I was about 10 or 11 I saw a woman, mid-thirties, sat, fully naked and completely destitute, with her baby, in the middle of a main road in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. She was totally broken by life and clearly just wanted to die. I’ve never forgotten it.
Describe something you haven’t created yet that you’d like to create.
I really, really want to create and put out an album on vinyl. I love vinyl, and it’s great to see bands we know putting out their own vinyl albums. You know, it’s not just the music itself, but the full artwork, details, liner notes, lyrics, some kind of swirling design or cool colours on the physical record. So much artistic expression goes into these compared to a normal CD album.
What do you believe is the most essential function of art?
For me it is like a medicine or therapy. Especially in recent years, I can say that I would not be here today without having had music as an outlet. The brotherhood of meeting with my bandmates. The creative process of lyric writing and putting songs together. The catharsis of delivering a full-on live performance, communicating and connecting with a crowd who hopefully enjoy what you’re putting out, and if they don’t, or are neutrals, trying to win them over. Sometimes in my lyrics I like to ask questions of the listener, to provoke them in a subtle way, or to make them reflect on something. Good art should do that I think.
For the audience, I suppose, it is to experience a different point of view, to share a spontaneous moment, to feel alive, or to gain insight into something they did not previously understand or appreciate. And a million shades in between.
Something non-musical that you’re looking forward to?
I’m saving up to buy a van, and man, I can’t wait to get out on some road trips in it (and to use it for our next tour)! I love getting on the road and escaping life. I predict that I will spend some years living out on the road at some point when I don’t have responsibilities to a band or job, someday…
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https://emptyfriend.bandcamp.com/
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