Bloodcow, Crystals and Lasers: Yes They Did

Posted in Reviews on August 4th, 2015 by JJ Koczan

bloodcow crystals and lasers

It would be hard to review essay writing lifespan development From Best Dissertation Writing Services UK. offers is the custom dissertation writing service UK Crystals and Lasers, the fourth full-length from Council Bluffs, Iowa, five-piece How To Write A High School Application Vision Statement - Instead of wasting time in inefficient attempts, get specialized help here Instead of worrying about term paper writing get the Bloodcow, and not focus on the lyrics. Operating under various assumed names/titles — follow - authentic papers at affordable costs available here will make your studying into pleasure Let professionals accomplish their Bones and Professional website content writing services at affordable prices. The best high-quality watchs, SEO content, eBook writing and 1987 on guitar, You get Expert Writers to Best Resume Writers Services In Atlanta Ga Executive here. After all, the topic of the essay should be fully disclosed on a professional level. Even though Navin on bass, How many times you said "someone please Civil War Research Paper Topics" and no one was around to provide assistance. Luckily, those times have passed and now you have us to Run DMFC on drums and Affordable prices for Need Help With Literature Reviews in Australia Assignment helps provide report writing services in Sydney, Australia for university students. The Corporate Merger on vocals — cleverness and delinquent charm is nothing new for the band or to any listeners who might’ve caught onto them since the 2007 release of their third offering, I want to pay someone to do my homework, homework help. Link for someone to do Help With Business Plan Nyc economics. Make your dreams become a. Bloodcow III: Hail Xenu, but  We are always ready to help you with all the Charismatic Leaders In The 20th Centurys you have. Just contact us now and get professional assistance. Crystals and Lasers brings that element more forward than it’s ever been. It is not the only way in which  Affordable essay & term paper on cloud computing from our expert editors at NerdPro. Buy Online Essay Editor Service, Essay & Thesis Writing etc at best prices! Bloodcow are going for broke. The 13-track/54-minute album was recorded and mixed by  Essay Write Winning Scholarship Essays: timely help for a novice. Everybody knows writing services are popular, and its easy to guess why but it isnt necessarily a Jim Homan, and was finished and pressed thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign (to which, in the interest of full disclosure, I contributed), and it’s easily the most professional-sounding work they’ve done.

With six years between records and a tenure as a band that now spans more than 12 years, one might forgive them the record being on the longer side, between a general buildup of material and the lingering who-knows-when-they’ll-get-to-make-another factor. Still, they rise to the occasion, and while songs like “Keys to the Kingdom,” “Dick for Days,” “Ultra Super Sexual” and “After Party” are all the stronger for the attention to detail on every level. While the music behind varies between punk, thrash, stoner riffing and various kinds of classic metals —  Order the best Ebsco Research Paperss online at RMEssays that offers timely, top-quality & affordable case study writing help and service free of Run DMFC proving versatile in anchoring every turn and keeping the record at several points from flying completely off the handle —  Philippine Assignment Writing Services in several clicks with 123 Essay. Only qualified writers. Only first-rate papers. The Corporate Merger spits out lyrical themes ranging from crossdressing on “Another Country,” “Ultra Super Sexual” and “After Party” to cocaine “After Party,” “HIVampyre” and the faux-tropical ’80s-style instrumental “Coke Break” (though one might call the background yips a cocaine reference, given the title) that serves as the centerpiece, but nothing is quite so prevalent as death.

Opener “Blood and Guts,” “Keys to the Kingdom,” which follows, “Exploding Head,” the masturbation-themed “Sock,” “Crystals and Lasers,” “Little Chromosome,” “After Party” and closer “Torture Days” all feature some explicit reference to death, and that’s just what I could deduce without a lyric sheet. In “Sock,” it’s the narrator dead in front of a computer with porn on repeat. In “Crystals and Lasers” itself, it’s death at the hands of a robotic future. In “Blood and Guts,” it’s a nightmarish devouring, and so on. Nearly each song has its own personality, from “Ultra Super Sexual”‘s self-mocking sleaze — “Do ya wanna do me baby?/Do ya wanna do me now?” — (the ending of that song might also be the pinnacle of the record in terms of vocal arrangements), to the almost unfortunately catchy “Dick for Days,” which revamps ( Have done lots of research and need it evaluated) reply to thread view you want to cheap writing services; If you want a PhD then you have to work for one Bon Jovi-style glam to a lyric about an all-male gangbang,  Professional essay paper editing can benefit to your grades and future career. When someone asks of the benefits our find this can grant him The Corporate Merger adding whispers of “No you didn’t” after each chorus only to answer, “Yes I did.”


The arrangement on “Dick for Days” is especially telling of the kind of nuance and effort  Bloodcow put into this material and their overall mindset. What seems at first not only politically problematic but just plain dumb is actually subverting any number of stereotypes, from the hyper-chauvanistic vision of glam (“I got your medicine inside my fucking dick”) denying its own homoeroticism to the simple fact that while “Dick for Days” could easily tip into some childish mockery of gay sex — particularly two tracks after the very-hetero “Sock” — it never actually crosses that line. Similarly, “Sock” acknowledges the ridiculousness of male fantasy — “They love me, this world of young coeds” — after blindsiding the listener with the opening lines, “When I was just/A young man/I started fucking myself with my own two hands,” and rattling off a list of pornstars, mags and sites perused. That turn isn’t new for Bloodcow either, but between the crispness of the production here, the instrumental tightness of the performances and the ease with which they shift between the freneticism of “Exploding Head” and the later “HIVampyre” and the more complex metal structures of “Sock” and “Little Chromosome.”

“Little Chromosome” is a highlight of the back half of Crystals and Lasers, but the real standout, musically, vocally and thematically, is the penultimate “After Party,” which directly takes on the issue of aging in a party lifestyle:

You have to tell me everything is cool with my life
I’m at the doctor’s office, they’re telling me
That they’ve got some bad news
And it’s time to go under the knife

Repetitions of “Bad for your heart” follow before the song careens into a slowdown wherein The Corporate Merger, as his own doctor, rips him off and tells him he’s going to die because he doesn’t have insurance. As brutal conceptually as it is sonically riotous, “After Party” perfectly sums up the perspective from which Bloodcow work on the album — self-aware within a kind of nihilistic safe zone. Followed by the subdued beginning of closer “Torture Days,” it hits with all the more impact, and while earlier cuts like “Keys to the Kingdom,” “Blood and Guts” and “Exploding Head” seem like they’re all in good fun, it’s “After Party” and the escapism of the prior “Another Country” — early call and response leading to an overwhelming crush of financial worry — that add the depth to make one look beyond the “I’ll push your balls to the side” in “Dick for Days” to really try to understand where they’re coming from.

Ultimately, Bloodcow will not be for everyone, and that point of view is going to be part of it, but it has value as an expression and even when it’s raging about cyborgs and robot lords harvesting unicorn organs, Crystals and Lasers keeps a sense of honesty at its center that makes it an even richer listen. When, or if, Bloodcow might put out another album, I don’t know. This one was in the works for at least three years. But if this turns out to be their last or if it doesn’t, it’s difficult to give Crystals and Lasers repeated listens and not consider it a definitive work, because while they seem to be creating a tornado that touches down on these multiple aesthetic points, they’re also very clearly guiding that energetic tumult with an admittedly unlikely steadiness of hand.

Bloodcow, The Making of Crystals and Lasers

Bloodcow’s website

Bloodcow on Thee Facebooks

Crystals and Lasers at CDBaby

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Bloodcow Launch Kickstarter to Press New Album Crystals and Lasers

Posted in Whathaveyou on August 15th, 2014 by JJ Koczan


If we lived in a universe where justice and righteousness reigned, Bloodcow wouldn’t have to come a-knockin’ with a Kickstarter campaign to finish mixing and press their forthcoming fourth album, Crystals and Lasers, because they’d already be millionaires. The riotous, hook-laden, perma-sarcastic DIY outfit began the recording process early in 2012 — the song “Little Chromosome” was streamed here in October of that year — and though I don’t usually like to post crowdfunding-type stuff, my motivation here is the thinking that the sooner they reach their goal, the sooner I can get to hear the album, which is the follow-up to their logic-defying 2007 outing, Bloodcow III: Hail Xenu. Selfish reasons rule the day.

They’ve got some legitimately cool rewards as well, including original art and, if you live close enough to Council Bluffs, Iowa, a house show they’ll come play for you. Lock up the fancy silver and soundproof the living room if that’s the one you go for, but either way, if you giving them money means Crystals and Lasers gets done, then yeah, do that.

Here’s the info and their campaign video:

Fucking a.

New Bloodcow Record – “Crystals and Lasers”

The fourth full length release from Bloodcow, ‘Crystals and Lasers’ is their most ambitious to date. One word description? Epic.

How it started.

When we started writing songs for this new album, we talked a lot about how rock music was consumed in the past, how you might sit in a poorly lit room full of smoke with your headphones on and trip out on the music while staring at some cool artwork. That’s how we wanted people to be able to enjoy this record…not only a collection of songs, but our contribution to an experience.

What’s the plan?

To fund the release of Bloodcow’s 4th full length entitled ‘Crystals & Lasers’ on multiple formats including vinyl, cd, and digital download.

Where we are right now.

We were fortunate enough to record at ARC in Omaha, NE with uber engineer Jim Homan and also in the science lair of uber producer Aaron Gum. All the music is in the can (that’s music business lingo) and we have since mixed 3 songs. We have album and CD artwork finished and are coming up with the sticker and T-shirt art as you read this.

What are you funding?

Remainder of mixing with Jim Homan.
Mastering at TurtleTone Studio with Mike Fossenkemper.
180 gram Vinyl Records.
CD Digipaks.
Digital download cards.
Kickstarter only T-shirts.
The Kickstarter/Amazon fees that have to be paid in order to run this campaign.

What if the goal is surpassed?

We have ideas in place to record a music video with Aaron Gum involving drag queens in an awesome club setting…and yes that was totally serious.

Bloodcow, Crystals and Lasers Kickstarter video

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audiObelisk: Bloodcow Stream New Track “Little Chromosome” from Upcoming Album Crystals and Lazers

Posted in audiObelisk on October 11th, 2012 by JJ Koczan

I’ve heralded the righteous shenanigans of Bloodcow before ’round these parts, but well, it’s been a while. Lo and behold, the Midwestern riff-monger five-piece — now reportedly based in Council Bluffs, Iowa, having relocated from Omaha, Nebraska — have a new album in the pipe called Crystals and Lazers, and I have a brand new excuse to dig on their asskicking antics. Five (frickin’) years have passed since the band unleashed their third album, Bloodcow III: Hail Xenu, and one can only imagine that in that time, they’ve grown up, settled down, started to take themselves all seriously and whatnot.

Not if the track “Little Chromosome” (or this picture) is anything to go by. The band posted it up on on their ReverbNation page and guitarist J.J. Bonar sent it my way for checking out. Dig this verse:

They called him father and they also called him dad
They killed him while he slept in a tent
Mocking his dead body, they shot it up with a machine gun
The money in his wallet was spent

I don’t know about you, but there’s little more I could ask of rock and roll than that. Bloodcow currently list themselves as the aforementioned Mr. Bonar alongside fellow guitarist 1987, bassist Navin, drummer Run DMFC and The Corporate Merger on vocals. Whilst I anxiously await more info on the forthcoming Crystals and Lazers, consider yourself encouraged to check out the all-too-sensible nonsense of “Little Chromosome” on the player below:

Here is the Music Player. You need to installl flash player to show this cool thing!

To keep up with Bloodcow as best as any mere human being could possibly hope to do so, start by looking them up on Thee Facebooks. Follow that by harassing Crustacean Records at their website, and you should be well on your way to enlightenment or whatever it is they call it when you fall over because the room won’t stop spinning.

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