The Obelisk Questionnaire: Sara Neidorf of Sarattma, Aptera, Mellowdeath and More
The Obelisk Questionnaire is a series of open questions intended to give the answerer an opportunity to explore these ideas and stories from their life as deeply as they choose. Answers can be short or long, and that reveals something in itself, but the most important factor is honesty.
Based on the Proust Questionnaire, the goal over time is to show a diverse range of perspectives as those who take part bring their own points of view to answering the same questions. To see all The Obelisk Questionnaire posts, click here.
Thank you for reading and thanks to all who participate.
The Obelisk Questionnaire: Sara Neidorf of Sarattma & Aptera
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How do you define what you do and how did you come to do it?
As for me: I play drums, whatever the occasion calls for. I don’t feel very bound to style, though metal was such a big part of my upbringing that it finds its way into a lot of what I do. Also music with a lot of pathos and/or a lot of idiosyncrasy. I don’t like music that’s too cool for school. It has to interact with some brooding and possibly also some autistic part of me. I came to drumming when I was around 10 because it helped me to focus and relax, and also because it was a way of connecting with people, and I kept doing it for that reason, as well as because it helps me connect with myself, to feel grounded, to feel like I’m doing something meaningful and honest.
As for Sarattma: We push each other, try to lock in and lock out, try to explore different trajectories, to create some shit that we’d enjoy hearing, but which we don’t feel has been done a bunch already. We came to play together because we came up in the same music community in Philly and had some of the same music mentors. Eventually one of our mutual friends/teachers, Yanni Papadopoulos from Stinking Lizaveta, said he thought it would be rad if we formed a band, and we did, and we’ve been linking up and doing that over the past 10 years whenever I’m Stateside visiting friends and family. (I’ve been based in Berlin since 2012.)
Describe your first musical memory.
I remember singing the song “Breakdown” by Tom Petty with my mom in the car when I was 4 or 5, getting many of the words wrong and coming up with my own lyrics phonetically. Or singing the song “Montana” by Frank Zappa with my dad in the car around that same age, knowing each word by heart. “I don’t care if you think it’s silly, folks. I don’t care if you think it’s silly folks.” Drumming out the fives in that phrase on my lap, enjoying the rhythmic puzzles in the breaks without consciously knowing they were odd. I also knew how to sing every guitar solo on Metallica’s Black Album when I was 5 or 6. Not their hottest album, I know, but luckily you don’t care about such things when you’re on your way to kindergarten.
Describe your best musical memory to date.
This is honestly impossible to answer because there have been so many occasions that felt like pinnacles, from live performances I’ve witnessed, to shows where I performed in front of dancing, hyper-engaged crowds, to recording sessions that felt fluid, free, and perfectly aligned, to albums I blasted and sang along to with my mother in the living room as a teen, to songs shared with my partner in intimate moments, to jam sessions in a basement or rehearsal space where everything just meshed so seamlessly… I really can’t come up with a hierarchy among these moments. Music is consistently bringing me new joys, new highs and groundings, new reasons to keep pushing forward.
When was a time when a firmly held belief was tested?
This is a toughie. Perhaps it was when I did my biggest tour to date as a session drummer, that my ideas of success were definitely thrown into question. It was also the best paid gig I’ve ever had. I guess I believed that it would feel like ‘success’ or ‘arrival’ but it actually tore me down in a lot of ways, destroyed my short term memory for a couple of years due to prolonged emotional distress, basically traumatized me. I learned that recognition ain’t worth shit if you’re not happy. Otherwise there have been lots of other times, involving friendships or relationships, where my ideas about love, commitment, and loyalty have been tested and thrown into turmoil.
People giving me what I felt I always needed most, turning out to be manipulative and abusive, people I thought I’d have forever dying or leaving me in different ways, not knowing at first if I could live without these people, but then finding my way through it. I think the pandemic has also taught me a lot about how to slow down, especially about accomplishment-based things — to not put a ton of importance or emphasis on something and to think that something has to be perfect or has to happen in a certain way or within a certain timeframe. It all might be called off at any moment. Just do what you can; appreciate the present more.
Where do you feel artistic progression leads?
I hope it just continuously leads to new places you can’t anticipate or know until you’re there. It’s exciting to me that this really doesn’t have a destination, just further journey, travel, discovery. New ways of articulating. It also fosters connections with new people and places, and also more pathways within.
How do you define success?
I’m still figuring that one out. For sure it involves making work that feels true to me. Releasing that work and having that work recognized and enjoyed (and yes, paid for) by others is also still important to me, though I aim for that to be less of a priority. Of course, it’s not about quantity; it’s about the quality of the interaction. My general experience is that a show in front of 50 really tuned-in people is way more fulfilling than a super distant-feeling one in front of 2,000. Sharing your life with people who are good to you and who understand you, and vice versa, is also a big part of success. A mindset of abundance, generosity, freedom, ease, and exchange.
What is something you have seen that you wish you hadn’t?
I wish I hadn’t seen my mother in so much pain in her final year of life. I am still haunted by some images I will not recount here. It’s a relief to know that she isn’t suffering anymore, but I miss her every minute of every day.
Describe something you haven’t created yet that you’d like to create.
I’d like to collaborate on creating the soundtrack to a film. I’d like to start by doing some live scoring for some silent horror films, which I’m beginning to do with a new project I’ve started playing with in Berlin, Pausa a Pausa. I’m excited to explore combining my love of music with my love of cinema. I’d also like to eventually write a sort of memoir, a collection of short stories or essays.
Other than that, also looking forward to recording and releasing more work with my projects Mellowdeath, Choral Hearse, and Aptera.
What do you believe is the most essential function of art?
It needs to keep pushing us to new places, presenting us with new images that test our imaginations, lead us to question systems of power, push us to feel uncomfortable sometimes but with an intentionally devised frame to make that discomfort productive, and to create affective environments in which we can reflect and experience things in personal ways.
Something non-musical that you’re looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to visiting my grandmother for her 95th birthday this September. I’m excited to attend Fantasia Film Fest in Montreal next summer, which I’m currently sad to be missing. I’m stoked for the next edition of the feminist horror film fest I co-organize each February, Final Girls Berlin Film Fest, which is just a lovely community of artists and film nerds. Lots of little things too — I’m excited to meet an old friend for dinner later.
https://www.instagram.com/sarattma
https://www.facebook.com/Sarattma.band
https://sarattma.bandcamp.com
https://instagram.com/nefarious_industries
https://facebook.com/nefariousIndustries
https://nefariousindustries.bandcamp.com
https://nefariousindustries.com
https://www.instagram.com/apteraberlin/
https://facebook.com/apteraberlin/
https://apteraberlin.bandcamp.com/
https://www.instagram.com/ripplemusic/
https://www.facebook.com/theripplemusic/
https://ripplemusic.bandcamp.com/
http://www.ripple-music.com/
