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Writing About Music During a Pandemic

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Mostly, I just feel stupid. Like I’m walking around with blinders on. Here I am, combing through my emails in the morning. Drinking a coffee. The act of feigning relevance feels even sillier than usual. So what? I’m supposed to pretend there’s nothing bigger happening in the universe than some band releasing an album? Some tour putting itself off until next year? What the fuck is next year going to look like? What the fuck is tomorrow going to look like?

I feel like I haven’t slept for more than two hours at a clip for the last three months, should I really be concerned with whatever it is waiting to be reviewed for tomorrow? My throat hurts. Should I have a panic attack about it, or should I go drink some water and remember that it’s also allergy season?

My position is one of privilege. I am untouched by racial discrimination, and so it’s not like I’m out there marching with or without a mask on, forsaking social distancing because COVID-19 might kill you in a week or two but a cop might kill you today. I’m in my house, and my nerves are frayed not because I have to go to work, but because my kid is whining he wants blackberries for breakfast and I need to go to the grocery store.

And the people at the store don’t wear masks anymore. And frankly, I don’t believe those fuckers ever washed their hands in the first place, never mind did it all special because if they didn’t their lungs would catch fire. This moment in which we reside is so, so, so fucked that actual human beings are deciding to ignore the advice of health officials for political reasons. I shit you not, the guy who lives down the street told me yesterday in all seriousness that he thinks Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff cooked up the coronavirus with the Chinese to try and undermine Donald Trump’s base of support. “Obviously didn’t work,” I told him.

Are you fucking kidding me? This is life?

I’ve whined about missing live music already, so I’ll spare you that, but doing this has gotten to the point where it feels weak. Like there are more important things I can and should be doing with my time. And I don’t just mean protesting. I should be raising my son, right now, not to be a racist dickweed. I should be cleaning the house, checking in on my mother, checking in on my wife’s mother, checking in on my wife, offering her support for her work THAT ACTUALLY SUPPORTS US FINANCIALLY and instead, I’m here at my keyboard formatting record label links for a news story about some release that I probably won’t even get to hear, let alone have time to review or, heaven forbid, actually appreciate. What is the point?

In the 11-plus years that I’ve run this site, I’ve never felt like it’s an empty venture as much as I do now. I’m not saying I’m going to stop — I couldn’t if I wanted to — but I can’t ignore the fact that there are those out there for whom the stakes are so incredibly much higher than they are for me. Music matters. Of course music matters. But nobody’s dying if I don’t do a track premiere. There are writers out there providing strength and vision. I’m putting up press releases. It feels like a cop-out. Feels cheap. Useless on a whole new level.

Whether it’s COVID-19 or the ongoing movement for civil rights happening across the US, the hugeness of right now looms overhead every time I open my computer, everytime I obsessively reload the news on my phone, and while I’ve in the past prided myself on putting my head down and getting to work, I’m not sure who or what the work is helping. Me? Is it making my life better? How and why?

I feel useless. Old. Sad. Like I’m waiting for a normalcy to return that isn’t coming back, and even if it did, what would that serve? Did I really just ask for a press pass to a Candlemass live stream?

Imagine the Titanic sinking, the band playing on. Do they really need someone there to review the show? Because that’s me. I’m that guy. That’s who I am.

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8 Responses to “Writing About Music During a Pandemic”

  1. Ben says:

    I can completely understand why you feel the way that you do, but I really hope you know how much you mean to a lot of people. Each morning when I get to work I fire up my computer and the Obelisk is one of the first sites I check. I know I am probably in the minority nowadays, not being on any form of social media, but your site is how I stay abreast of what’s happening in the music world. I have been introduced to more bands than I can count from this site, and I wouldn’t be able to support them without that access.
    But I don’t just visit the Obelisk for the music, I genuinely enjoy your writing, especially your Friday Full Lengths, when you delve more into your personal life. If, for some reason, you ever do decide to shut it down, I hope continue to use your talent with the written word, because it is a skill sorely lacking in the world these days. Peace.

  2. Gino Vaselino says:

    It’s hard not to feel useless when you’re not able to put out a fire thats right in front of your eyes. Its desensitizing. And this is the capstone on 4 years of fuck all. Trust me, as an Architect I spend 3/4 of my days struggling with the thought that my work isn’t in any way shape or form going to solve the REAL problems of the day – which seem to grow by each 24 hour period. The system is too corrupt for any one person to change, but we all need to act as change AGENTS to at least tilt the dial back towards the equitable. As the poster above me said, music and creative outlets are even more crucial in these days than before. People need the escape because when you open your eyes to reality, you realize its totally fucked. So perspective is important, as well as an influential counterpoint that releases your mind from the daily drag. When Cheeto Mussolini has a significant support base brainwashed and convinced that rubbing his snake oil all over their filthy minds is some sort of erotic form of pAtRioTisM, its hard not to feel like you’re not solving the problems that matter. But again, thats why we all need inspiration in this day and age more than ever, because without it, we’re all staring into the void and are mind fucked by its infinite, uncaring nature. So bless your work, because it provides the outlet so many of us need, while helping to keep us all a bit more calibrated. Stay strong, we’re all dealing with this collective dissociation from reality in our own ways. So let’s all do our part to come together and fight for whats right – even if it’s limited to our own sphere of influence.

  3. Blake t says:

    Music is my only escape from this shitshow of a timeline were living in. I look forward to reading ur entries hoping for some news from a band I like, something to get my mind off reality and give me something to look forward to like a new album, even it takes half a year to ship it to me.

    Music has always been one of the most important things in my life but these days it has taken on a whole new significance. Even as I write this, I have 6 new records waiting for me in the city that my European connection has just received in the mail, I cant wait to get them!

    Coles notes version….Keep writing and know that theres many of us out here that read ur reviews and look forward to them! I know I would feel like something was missing if you’re site ceased to exist…

  4. JP says:

    I read this site every morning. Over the last several years, you have turned me onto a raft of bands I wouldn’t have discovered otherwise. Like others have said, I also appreciate the Friday Full-Length column where we get your personal touch added into the music mix. I’ve always appreciated the realness that you bring to this. Yep, these are some fucked up times. Yep, sometimes those of us with hearts and brains feel like we aren’t doing enough to impact the world around us and we struggle with how we can do more. But, how much more depressing would our struggles be without good music to decompress or rejigger our thought processes to? It would be fucking awful. Thanks for your writing. Thanks for supporting the musicians you support, especially in these times. Know that the music you are highlighting is often the background music folks have on while they are working to make positive changes in their communities and the world around them.

  5. Robb says:

    I’m surprised that you have questioned what you have chosen to do in life during these times. I agree with the above postings, and I think you are doing something positive for the music community.
    As a healthcare worker who has seen many COVID patients come through the doors , your website has been my oasis away from the day to day issues were all facing , so thank you for that. Without your contributions I would be miserable at my job. Take it for what it is , or look into these comments here and realize that many people come to you daily for your views and opinions on the music we love. If you ask me that says something about the work that you put in. The fact that we all keep coming back.

  6. Harked Back says:

    All of the above I agree with JJ. Cliche as it sounds, hang in there. I too feel useless, sad & old. In that order.

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