I don’t care who you are or where you lie on the political or social spectrum — if you claim you don’t think there’s something interesting about competitive eating, you’re a liar. I’m not saying you have to fantasize about winning the Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest on Coney Island, or that you dream of hoisting a trophy over your distended belly full of a 96 oz. steak surrounded by jealous cowboys at some restaurant in the Midwest where you just earned a free dinner for your entire family like the provider you are, but even if you’re a European looking across the ocean and wondering (once again) how on earth Americans can be so ridiculous and so excessive in our disdain for personal health, you have an opinion. You may find it gross, but you can’t look away.

For the last couple years I’ve posted about The Decemburger in Denver, both because I think the lineups have been cool and because DUST Presents, which puts it on, does good work generally, but there’s also a side of me that a little bit dreams of pounding sliders until the trophy below is secured, then taking that home and displaying it on my mantle — note: I do not have a mantle — for the rest of my days, relishing my moment of glory as it once was. I’m not especially proud of that, but it’s true.

That won’t happen, and I know that, but still. It’s a sick, kind of all over the place lineup this year, and even if you don’t enter the contest to get that trophy, well worth showing up to bear witness to whoever does.

Here’s the info:

The Decemburger III: The Greasy Gala

Dust Presents
The Decemburger III: The Greasy Gala
The World’s Only Heavy Metal / Competitive Eating Throwdown

When: Decemburger 15th, 2018
Where: Hi Dive – Denver, CO

Lineup: Uada, Axeslasher, Crypt Trip, Glacial Tomb, Bummer, The Ditch and the Delta, and The Decemburger Slider-Eating Contest

Tickets: www.thedecemburgeriii.eventbrite.com
Eating Contest Rules:
First to finish their plate of 10 sliders wins
Water and cups are provided
Vomiting = disqualification
Interfering with another contestant = disqualification

1st Place Prizes:
$100 cash
Decemburger III Trophy
Decemburger III poster
Dust Presents merch package
Ritual of Sin Magazine package
All the Greasy Glory
and more…

2nd Place Prize:
Decemburger III poster
Dust Presents merch package
Ritual of Sin Magazine package

Sponsored by Terrapin Care Station, Atlas Cabinets, and Ritual of Sin Magazine

Poster art by Sam Pierson

https://www.facebook.com/events/953611728155396/
https://www.facebook.com/dustpresents/
www.thedecemburgeriii.eventbrite.com

Uada, Cult of a Dying Sun (2018)

As someone who’s worked professionally to produce them, I know how difficult it can be to come up with a good tagline, headline, whatever you want to call it. As simple as it is to receive the directive, ‘Oh hey, just go ahead and give me something concise and maybe astoundingly witty that nonetheless sums up an entire idea/story/product/anything in three or four words,’ materializing that is much, much harder to do.

Accordingly, I tip my virtual hat to Dust Presents and The Decemburger 2017 for coming up with the tagline “Medium-Rare Mayhem,” which not only conveys the fact that, yes, the event will feature a hamburger-eating contest like it did last year, but captures as well the humor and good nature behind the festival as a whole. “Medium-Rare Mayhem?” Pink in the middle, maybe a little bloody? Fucking delicious? Probably. Sign up to eat a bunch of sliders and find out.

Show is at the Hi-Dive in Denver, Colorado, on Dec. 16 and will be headlined by Bongripper and also feature sets from Call of the Void, the Primitive Man-related projects Nightwraith and Vermin Womb, Serial Hawk and Weeed coming down from Washington, Abrams, The Munsens and Sceptres. Killer show. Once again, looks like it’s gonna be a great time. If you’re in Denver or you can get there, it’s a pre-holiday blowout that I only wish I was involved in presenting.

Info follows from the PR wire:

DUST Presents: THE DECEMBURGER 2017

“Medium-Rare Mayhem”
Denver, CO

The second annual installment of DUST Presents’ The Decemburger returns to Denver, Colorado, Saturday, Dec. 16, 2017 at the Hi Dive, a staple for good times in Denver’s South Broadway neighborhood. The 2017 lineup leans more toward the metal spectrum of “heavy” in comparison with last year’s event (featuring The Shrine, The Well, Zig Zags, Malahierba, and more).

Chicago’s crushing doom-metal legends, Bongripper, will headline the sophomore iteration of The Decemburger, supported by a prime selection from Denver’s booming metal scene, including Call Of The Void, Vermin Womb (featuring Ethan McCarthy of Primitive Man), Abrams, the Munsens, Nightwraith (current and former members of Primitive Man, Vimana, Black Sleep of Kali, Rottenness, Collapse, and more), and Sceptres.

The 2017 bill also features a pair of standout acts from Washington. Serial Hawk, a hypnotically heavy three-piece metal group from Seattle, whose 2015 full-length out on Bleeding Light Records achieved global recognition, will join Weeed from Bainbridge Island, WA and their energetic brand of heavy, psychedelic rock in rounding out the bill.

Not to be overshadowed by the sonic mania, the burger-eating contest for which the event is named will also return, with heightened competition (following 2016 champion Andrew Renfrow’s crushing victory) and a larger purse – cash, trophy, merch, framed prints and more. Contest entry can be purchased as a separate ticket that includes festival entry. (Burger-eating contest limited to 10 contestants!)

Tickets: www.thedecemburger2017.eventbrite.com
Doors 3pm, Show 4:30pm, 18+

Flier by Sam Pierson

https://www.facebook.com/events/297498814060287/
https://www.facebook.com/dustpresents/
https://www.instagram.com/dustpresents/
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-decemburger-2017-tickets-38128648815

Bongripper, Miserable (2014)