[I’ve been back and forth about whether or not to post this. I wrote it yesterday afternoon at a particularly dark feeling moment. The day picked up after. The Patient Mrs. made me delicious garlicky cloud bread for dinner that I ate with pesto and The Pecan woke up from his nap in better spirits for the afternoon than before he went down. It was still a rough day but the point is we all got through. In the end, I’m running this because it seems no less important to show the shittiest times than the good ones.]

I did a poll on Instagram the other day about if I should do one of these. I’ve been incredibly grateful at the response from people sending in their answers to the questionnaire thus far, and after seeing the results of that poll, decided to give it a shot myself. So here we are. We’ll proceed otherwise as usual, and since I’m using this post to close out this week, I’ll just add that I wish you a great and safe weekend.

The statistics of COVID-19 change with every news cycle, and with growing numbers, stay-at-home isolation and a near-universal disruption to society on a global scale, it is ever more important to consider the human aspect of this coronavirus. Amid the sad surrealism of living through social distancing, quarantines and bans on gatherings of groups of any size, creative professionals — artists, musicians, promoters, club owners, techs, producers, and more — are seeing an effect like nothing witnessed in the last century, and as humanity as a whole deals with this calamity, some perspective on who, what, where, when and how we’re all getting through is a needed reminder of why we’re doing so in the first place.

Thus, Days of Rona, in some attempt to help document the state of things as they are now, both so help can be asked for and given where needed, and so that when this is over it can be remembered.

Thanks to all who participate. To read all the Days of Rona coverage, click here. — JJ Koczan

Days of Rona: JJ Koczan of The Obelisk (Parsippany, New Jersey)

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How are you dealing with this crisis? Have you had to rework plans at all? How is everyone’s health so far?

How I’m dealing with this crisis: Today, not well. Since this lockdown started I have had days where I’m like, “Wow, nobody in my family is sick and we’re so lucky to be in this house and no one has to go to work when it’s so life-threateningly dangerous to do so and I am one privileged motherfucker to lead the life I do.” Today is not one of those days.

Today’s the other kind of day. I didn’t get to sleep until after midnight last night because I was feeling so much anxiety about having to go out of the house this morning to fucking buy ice. I shut off the alarm, which was otherwise set for four, so I could get at least six hours of sleep until our two year old, The Pecan, was getting up around six or 6:30AM. Well, he got up, had a poopy diaper as he will, and it’s all pretty much been downhill from there. Full-on fuck everything mode. My wife, who’s been working from home, and I canceled a remote appointment for him this morning to watch an old baseball game instead, and that didn’t really chill him out. He’s stir crazy and doesn’t understand why all the stuff he did before — swim class, gymnastics class, daycare, going to run errands — he can’t do anymore and why he’s stuck in the house. We’re just trying to throw as much stimuli as we can at him (while still minimizing screen time) to keep him busy until this is over. When I think about the fact that it’s only April 9 and it’ll probably be June before I’m comfortable letting him plotz around town the way we did before, I want to bash my skull in with a fucking hammer.

Yes, I have had to rework plans. Roadburn’s off. Ode to Doom is off. My wife’s semester is remote. My son’s schedule has completely changed. Tours I was presenting are off. Fests I was presenting are off. Like everyone else on the planet, my life has been turned upside down, and my every single day is affected. Come to think of it, that question about reworking plans is pretty god damned stupid. Like at this point anyone’s going to say, “Nope, all good, chief!” and give a thumbs up emoji. Where’s that hammer?

Everyone’s health is good so far. The Patient Mrs. coughs all winter anyway, but her cough is her normal cough. My mother’s fine. My wife’s mother’s fine. Her grandmother’s fine. Her father died of COVID-19 the other day, so I guess that’s something, but they weren’t in touch. Zero relationship. Still affecting whether you want it to be or not, though, and the house was not lacking for emotional strain. I finally got to sleep last night by taking half a xanax, and that was not the first time I’ve resorted to that in order to stop my brain from overloading like a Constitution Class warp core.

What are the quarantine/isolation rules where you are?

Parsippany, where we live, has the most cases of COVID-19 in Morris County, New Jersey. Lucky us. Passaic County, which is between us and Manhattan, of course has more cases overall, but still, we’re good and locked down. On the rare occasions I’ve left the house in the last couple weeks to, say, buy ice or other food stuffs — I haven’t left for anything else, so it’d be that — I’ve worn a mask that our neighbors were kind enough to give us from their own stockpile.

Nobody’s allowed to gather, and all non-essential travel is discouraged. Most parks are shut now even to passive recreation — i.e. going for a walk or run — so that’s that. We are locked. fucking. down., and no fooling. I stood on line outside Wegman’s the other day for half an hour to buy almond butter and berries for the kid. Shit is dire and for real, and the fervency of the response now only highlights the utter ineptitude of our elected federal officials — congress, the president — when it comes to the initial response to this virus. Yes, it is a political issue, sorry. Fucking everything is. Grow up. The president might’ve been able to walk down 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and get away with it with his base, but let’s go ahead and hold him accountable for the 800 fucking people who died in New York yesterday too and see how he does in November.

You know what’s fucking saddest? He’ll still win. Joe fucking Biden? Ugh. Democrats. What’s the matter, guys? Vanilla too much flavor for you?

Whatever. Quarantine sucks. And if it can get worse, it will. Always. Maybe next time don’t elect a sociopathic reality tv star with zero political experience to lead your fucking country you god damned cracker motherfucker idiots. Unfriend me. I don’t give a shit.

How have you seen the virus affecting the community around you and in music?

People are doing live streams and giving music away for free. That’s awesome. If you can find some escape in that for upwards of 30 seconds, do it. Fucking do it. I’ve been trying today to do that. I just can’t today. Today there’s no getting away from any of it and I feel like everything is collapsing around me.

And you know what? That’s fucking okay too. I know I’m not the worst off. I’m not working right now. I’m not an EMT picking up people who I know in a matter of hours are going to be dead and wondering if they’re getting me sick. I have it pretty easy in all this. I even have a garage to let The Pecan play in. I’m dirt fucking lucky. But it’s still hard. It’s still hard. This is hard on everyone. It fucking sucks for everybody. From the dude delivering our pizza last night to the lady at Stop and Shop this morning who was wearing what looked like a welder’s mask — it sucks for everyone. There’s no getting away from it. If you’re human, it sucks. We don’t all have to be yoga-mom social media gurus broadcasting how much we’re growing inside thanks to this process. It’s fucking awful. Let’s not pretend otherwise. I’m sure people are learning all kinds of shit about themselves and each other in this process. I’ve learned that golly plagues are unpleasant. Thanks for reading! Hashtag enlightenment! Hashtag COVID19! Hashtag homebody! Hashtag blessed!

What is the one thing you want people to know about your situation, either as a group, or personally, or anything?

I take pills for depression. I take pills for anxiety. I am a father of one. I am a human being. I usually run this site because it keeps me sane and I feel compulsive about writing and it reminds me to be grateful for what I have, because this is a thing I have. It’s important to do that for all of us. But it’s okay to feel shitty too. You’re right to feel shitty. This is shitty. It sucks having your life upended. If you lost your job, I’m sorry you lost your job. That’s a political issue too, but saying that isn’t gonna get you a new job or the 16 million other people who’ve been kicked off the rolls the last three weeks. There’s so much bullshit. We’re all covered in it. Here’s hoping it’s sterile.

All my best to you and yours. Really. If you’re reading this, please stay well. The world needs you around. I need you around. The world needs less assholes, and if you’re seeing this, you’re at least cool by me, so thank you.

Thank you. Be safe.

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Tags: Days of Rona, JJ Koczan, The Obelisk

This entry was posted on Friday, April 10th, 2020 at 10:39 am and is filed under Features. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.