Days of Rona: JJ Koczan of The Obelisk

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Days of Rona: JJ Koczan of The Obelisk (Parsippany, New Jersey)

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How I’m dealing with this crisis: Today, not well. Since this lockdown started I have had days where I’m like, “Wow, nobody in my family is sick and we’re so lucky to be in this house and no one has to go to work when it’s so life-threateningly dangerous to do so and I am one privileged motherfucker to lead the life I do.” Today is not one of those days.

Today’s the other kind of day. I didn’t get to sleep until after midnight last night because I was feeling so much anxiety about having to go out of the house this morning to fucking buy ice. I shut off the alarm, which was otherwise set for four, so I could get at least six hours of sleep until our two year old, The Pecan, was getting up around six or 6:30AM. Well, he got up, had a poopy diaper as he will, and it’s all pretty much been downhill from there. Full-on fuck everything mode. My wife, who’s been working from home, and I canceled a remote appointment for him this morning to watch an old baseball game instead, and that didn’t really chill him out. He’s stir crazy and doesn’t understand why all the stuff he did before — swim class, gymnastics class, daycare, going to run errands — he can’t do anymore and why he’s stuck in the house. We’re just trying to throw as much stimuli as we can at him (while still minimizing screen time) to keep him busy until this is over. When I think about the fact that it’s only April 9 and it’ll probably be June before I’m comfortable letting him plotz around town the way we did before, I want to bash my skull in with a fucking hammer.

Yes, I have had to rework plans. Roadburn’s off. Ode to Doom is off. My wife’s semester is remote. My son’s schedule has completely changed. Tours I was presenting are off. Fests I was presenting are off. Like everyone else on the planet, my life has been turned upside down, and my every single day is affected. Come to think of it, that question about reworking plans is pretty god damned stupid. Like at this point anyone’s going to say, “Nope, all good, chief!” and give a thumbs up emoji. Where’s that hammer?

Everyone’s health is good so far. The Patient Mrs. coughs all winter anyway, but her cough is her normal cough. My mother’s fine. My wife’s mother’s fine. Her grandmother’s fine. Her father died of COVID-19 the other day, so I guess that’s something, but they weren’t in touch. Zero relationship. Still affecting whether you want it to be or not, though, and the house was not lacking for emotional strain. I finally got to sleep last night by taking half a xanax, and that was not the first time I’ve resorted to that in order to stop my brain from overloading like a Constitution Class warp core.

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Parsippany, where we live, has the most cases of COVID-19 in Morris County, New Jersey. Lucky us. Passaic County, which is between us and Manhattan, of course has more cases overall, but still, we’re good and locked down. On the rare occasions I’ve left the house in the last couple weeks to, say, buy ice or other food stuffs — I haven’t left for anything else, so it’d be that — I’ve worn a mask that our neighbors were kind enough to give us from their own stockpile.

Nobody’s allowed to gather, and all non-essential travel is discouraged. Most parks are shut now even to passive recreation — i.e. going for a walk or run — so that’s that. We are locked. fucking. down., and no fooling. I stood on line outside Wegman’s the other day for half an hour to buy almond butter and berries for the kid. Shit is dire and for real, and the fervency of the response now only highlights the utter ineptitude of our elected federal officials — congress, the president — when it comes to the initial response to this virus. Yes, it is a political issue, sorry. Fucking everything is. Grow up. The president might’ve been able to walk down 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and get away with it with his base, but let’s go ahead and hold him accountable for the 800 fucking people who died in New York yesterday too and see how he does in November.

You know what’s fucking saddest? He’ll still win. Joe fucking Biden? Ugh. Democrats. What’s the matter, guys? Vanilla too much flavor for you?

Whatever. Quarantine sucks. And if it can get worse, it will. Always. Maybe next time don’t elect a sociopathic reality tv star with zero political experience to lead your fucking country you god damned cracker motherfucker idiots. Unfriend me. I don’t give a shit.

outline for college essay List Of Research Papers Data Warehousing online phd programs my dog ate my homework How have you seen the virus affecting the community around you and in music?

People are doing live streams and giving music away for free. That’s awesome. If you can find some escape in that for upwards of 30 seconds, do it. Fucking do it. I’ve been trying today to do that. I just can’t today. Today there’s no getting away from any of it and I feel like everything is collapsing around me.

And you know what? That’s fucking okay too. I know I’m not the worst off. I’m not working right now. I’m not an EMT picking up people who I know in a matter of hours are going to be dead and wondering if they’re getting me sick. I have it pretty easy in all this. I even have a garage to let The Pecan play in. I’m dirt fucking lucky. But it’s still hard. It’s still hard. This is hard on everyone. It fucking sucks for everybody. From the dude delivering our pizza last night to the lady at Stop and Shop this morning who was wearing what looked like a welder’s mask — it sucks for everyone. There’s no getting away from it. If you’re human, it sucks. We don’t all have to be yoga-mom social media gurus broadcasting how much we’re growing inside thanks to this process. It’s fucking awful. Let’s not pretend otherwise. I’m sure people are learning all kinds of shit about themselves and each other in this process. I’ve learned that golly plagues are unpleasant. Thanks for reading! Hashtag enlightenment! Hashtag COVID19! Hashtag homebody! Hashtag blessed!

The list of the student follow site you can find in this review is credible, time-tested, and affordable. One of the best examples of the online What is the one thing you want people to know about your situation, either as a group, or personally, or anything?

I take pills for depression. I take pills for anxiety. I am a father of one. I am a human being. I usually run this site because it keeps me sane and I feel compulsive about writing and it reminds me to be grateful for what I have, because this is a thing I have. It’s important to do that for all of us. But it’s okay to feel shitty too. You’re right to feel shitty. This is shitty. It sucks having your life upended. If you lost your job, I’m sorry you lost your job. That’s a political issue too, but saying that isn’t gonna get you a new job or the 16 million other people who’ve been kicked off the rolls the last three weeks. There’s so much bullshit. We’re all covered in it. Here’s hoping it’s sterile.

All my best to you and yours. Really. If you’re reading this, please stay well. The world needs you around. I need you around. The world needs less assholes, and if you’re seeing this, you’re at least cool by me, so thank you.

Thank you. Be safe.

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20 Responses to “Days of Rona: JJ Koczan of The Obelisk”

  1. JohnArz says:

    Be well, my friend. We’re all in this together, albeit remotely. Much love

  2. Dave says:

    From the heart as always JJ. Stay safe bud.

  3. Charles Carroll says:

    I’ve had moments of pure dread, the anxiety has been very high, I had to call the dr and get meds to keep it at bay, the depression meds are still working, thankfully. I’ve been talking to the dogs, a lot. I do get to take them to the dog park every day and on the drive there I wonder if it will still be open (I’m surprised that it still is).

    In Camden County, at the other end of NJ, the numbers aren’t nearly as high. Still, I worry every day what happens to the dogs if something happens to me. I feel very lucky to be virus-free.

    We’ll get through this, we’ll change this government because things aren’t going back to where they were. Be strong, be safe, and give yourself some love.

  4. Deanne says:

    I just want to say hi and I hear you.
    Where I am is not even a tenth as intense as where you are, but still there are people here that think all of this is a hoax because nobody they knows has been affected. People still waltzing through the stores shopping for their easter outfit they are gonna wear in Sunday etc…I am still working but i’m selling beer solo, noone is allowed in, i’m gloved and masked because I am suceptable to being sick at the blink of an eye still. It does suck. I’m sure you have played game after game after game with the Pecan, we sure have here with my grandaughter…just keep your cool and hug him tight. If I could transport you all here to run around the yard and walk to the river I totally would. No people near me here at home except for the cars zooming by in a hurry to be who-knows-where-when-they-should-be-at-home.

    You are invited to come hang here anytime my friend when things straighten out. Just sayin’.
    Build a blanket fort, one for you, one for lil Pecan and one for the missus.

    Ironically I was listening to Pontiak again while I was reading your post…the song title that was on? ‘Shit Sucks’ ! Kooky eh?
    Love to you and yours my dude…see you front and center sooner than later my friend…

  5. Brian says:

    Long time reader, but never a commenter. Thanks for sharing. I am in Brooklyn, having similar days every other day. Anxious, depressed, angry. It’s tough, but trying to hang in there. Looking forward to when more tour announcements resume. Stay well and safe.

  6. William says:

    Hang in there. I’ve got a three-year-old and I’m the main caregiver so coming up with things to do which aren’t watching Frozen is hard work. Luckily we have a garden and it’s been sunny in UK. Thanks for keeping up the site, if only I had any time to read it at the moment.

  7. Jose Humberto says:

    The plan right now was spending time in an awesome hotel in Cancun with beverages smoking a big cigar and watching my kids swimming all day (we had all paid already), instead im at home listening the newest Testament cd and my kids running like crazy in the house , what else can we do? nothing!

    Lucky me I received many cds I ordered in the last weeks that until now im having time to check.

    not bad

    Stay safe friends

  8. Michelle St.Laurent says:

    Hi J.J., my boyfriend Joe Dacunza just insisted that I read your questions and answers. You are awesome and so right on point. Your message was honest and direct and I hope saying it all made you feel better. You made me sad, you made me laugh, you made me think. Music is so awesome and sometimes I think how grateful I am to be into it. I wonder WTF non music lovers are doing to get through this!? thank you for caring about all of us and keeping us informed and entertained. We’ll see you at a show on the other side of this B.S. Keep rockin, keep the faith and we’ll all see each other hopefully soon.

  9. Harked Back says:

    Peace JJ. I was looking forward to your aswering on the Rona Days

  10. Mats says:

    Hi!

    Thanks for being normal through these crazy times! We all need each other!

    Norway is keeping it together. 113 deaths so far, so our lockdown seems to be working. Bars, schools and stuff are closef but the forest is close by, so i’ve been walking the woods every day these last four weeks.

    Stay safe!

  11. Mark says:

    Take care JJ.

  12. Scott Heller says:

    Take care my friend….. Times are tough…. We will get through this..
    peace, love and music.
    scott

  13. John says:

    Thank you for your all your hard work JJ. You have introduced me to so many bands I never would’ve never heard. Its great to read someone who isn’t afraid to say what an idiot Trump is. Oh it’s over there, it won’t come here. And like you said people will still vote for him! Blows my fragile little mind. I’m on all those pills too, anxiety and depression real bad but just part of living in this fucked up world. Stay safe. Doom over the world

  14. Ian says:

    Hi and love to all around the world. To all in the USA, please please vote, and if you do vote, you must vote against the carrot topped moron who is running your country. Anything is better than the giant ego that you currently have in charge. He is dangerous, and he is responsible for the deaths in YOUR country. I know you are all going through tough times, but you all have a responsibility to rid the world of this stain on humanity. The future is in your hands USA-do the right thing. To anyone who likes Trump- FUCK YOU and your kin. Take your guns, stick them in your mouth and rid the world of another bigot. Thank you for reading, peace from Australia.

  15. Wombat60 says:

    We love you JJ, you do more for all of us than you could ever imagine. Stay safe, the Pecan is lucky to have such a thoughtful and honest Dad.

  16. Neil Archer says:

    I fuckin hate most people at the best of times but I’m close to the fuckin edge now. Thank fuck for music . Yours is the only music site I read on a daily basis. Thanks for everything you do. New ‘High Priestess’ album out, buy it people.

  17. André says:

    You have exclusive access to new music. That should count as something. Thanks for the site — that’s where I go to find about the bands I like and to discover new stuff. Great job, be well.

  18. Derek says:

    Thanks for sharing, a lot of what you said I personally have been struggling with as well. My wife Vanessa have been working on acceptance this year.

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