Resumption!s03e01: "Spock's Brain"
They should've called this episode "Sometimes The Space Hotties Want To Steal Your Thinker," because that's pretty much the plot. They're on the ship, blah blah blah, another Tuesday, then blamo, here's a space-hottie, and she, true to the title, appears out of nowhere on the bridge, steals Spock's Brain, and is gone in a flash. The rest of the episode? Well, obviously it's spent trying to get Spock's brain back. Not a great start to the third season, folks. The funniest part about it was watching Bones have to pretend to care about something that, even for this show, was completely ridiculous. Spoiler alert: Spock gets his brain back. Next.s03e02: "The Enterprise Incident"
While we're retitling episodes, let's call this one "Sometimes The Space Hottie Is Spock." At first, Kirk's all like, "I'm a total dick, whatever," to Chekov, and you get the voiceover in the beginning from Bones: "Medical log, Kirk's a dick. Totally stressed," then Kirk is like, "Fuck all y'all, into Romulan territory we go." They get surrounded by Romulans, who have a cloaking device and Spock starts to get down with the Romulan commander, who apparently shares Kirk's tendency for teaching alien species the ways of the heart and bodily fluids. This actually might be the most progressive episode of the series so far on a gender level. Anyway, Kirk being a dick is all part of a spy mission to steal the cloaking device, and that thread, the Spock/Captain Romulanwhatsherface thread, and a couple others all get tied up pretty nicely by the end of the episode, the Federation effectively breaks intergalactic treaties to steal Romulan technology -- at the same time the Romulans are said to want to keep the Enterprise intact to harvest its technology (this made no sense to me because if they have cloaking devices that the Federation obviously wants if they're willing to risk war to steal it, then what tricks could they possibly learn from the Enterprise? nerd nerd nerd) -- and gets away with it, capturing the Romulan Captain in the process. Quite an evening in the lives of Kirk & Co., but a pretty good episode all around. Kirk even dresses up as a Romulan at one point and clearly relished the whole pointed eyebrow thing:
Right on, Captain.s03e03: "The Paradise Syndrome"
AKA "Sometimes The Space-Hotties Are In The Native American Equivalent Of Blackface And They Think You're A God." Problematic. Anyone see Easy-Rider
? Me neither, but this space-hottie was in it. It's only vaguely explained why the planet has evolved to the point of having American Indians on it, but whatever. There they are. There's an asteroid coming to smash the planet, and while Kirk and Spock and Bones are there looking around I guess to see what it's going to smash into, Kirk falls down a shaft underneath some kind of --- wait for it --- OBELISK. That's right. And I totally nerded out. They said the word like three times in the episode and I girlie-squealed each time. No shame. Kirk gets zapped by some kind of ray and, whoops, loses his memory, then emerges from said OBELISK just as two hotties are walking by. Hotties -- again, all very problematic -- think he's a god and that he's there to save them and blah blah blah, two months pass, Kirk, who goes by Kirok because he can't really remember his name right, marries one of the hotties and knocks her up -- which I imagine he did just by looking at her because he's THAT FUCKING POTENT -- and then when the Enterprise comes back, Kirk and his space-hottie wife are being stoned to death for not being able to save the world. Well, Spock's there, so they do save the world (good thing he got his brain back), and in the best ending yet of an episode, the space-hottie dies. That's it. Pregnant with their child, she dies and the credits roll. Finally, no resolution, no shot back on the bridge goofing around, just devastation. You don't get a sense that anything's going to be okay. Still probably an episode that you couldn't show on television today, let alone actually produce it.
Here's a shot of that obelisk for good measure:
And here's how I felt when I saw it:
Replace the leather fringe with a black t-shirt and the strapping man-stallion with an overworked balding obese beardo and it was just like that. Awesome.