Does anyone on here have foster care kids, or did at some point? The wife and I have made up our minds to try it. We have to have our house inspected, get background checks, and take a fairly long class. And then that's it I think.

Also, I'd be interested to know if when you were young if you were ever in foster care and how you feel about the experience.

Haven't been a foster parent, but I've thought a lot about it.

This is a blog that recounts a young, single New Yorker's experience with fostering in the NYC system:
http://fosterhood.tumblr.com/

She's a bit of a prig sometimes, but she's honest and tells some good stories. She's also got a forum attached that is small, but seems to have some smart people involved.


Good on you if you do it, the system needs good people.

A lady at work's daughter fostered a heroin baby recently. The mother apparently signed some papers saying she wanted nothing to do with the kid and she ended up being looked after by my co-worker's daughter. For them it wasn't a positive experience, because the baby was very sick, they nursed it back to health and then the father mounted some sort of legal challenge and they had to give the baby up after spending a fortune on medical bills and of cours spending 4 months bonding with her. The agency told them they'd have her until she turned 18, or at the very least 14 when she could decide to meet her birth parents.

While that experience was very sad for them, they're going to foster more kids, they can't have any of their own, and there's plenty of kids who need some love.

Good luck with it!

I support anyone who makes this decision, whether or not they can have children of their own.

I'm good friends with a couple that can't seem to get pregnant, despite there being nothing medically wrong with either of them. they have been trying a myriad of things for the past couple years now without success. yet for some reason adoption just doesn't seem to be a valid alternative for them. I can't help but think this attitude is very selfish.

Hey dude,
Yeah I was raised in Foster Care. I was in a "Home" and placed in a foster house with cool parents.
I have advice and that is take time and actually try to get to know a kid. In my case, which was a long time ago so it might not be the same, but...they allowed me to spend a night or a weekend with the perspective foster parents before they actually decided to make it full time. They laid out rules to me and of course we talked about it.
In other words think hard about what age you want to take on and boy or girl, etc.
This matters because the State Home place I was in was full of kids who were in foster care and then the foster parents got sick of it and got rid of the kids.
The home was also full of horrible shit like little babies with cigarette burns on their bodies. Also lots of pregnant teenagers and the saying was:only two possibilities, either your dad raped you or your step dad raped you.
These kids have already been through enough most likely and you could save one, but DO NOT make the decision lightly.
Think Long and Hard about it. It is a huge commitment.
the upside is you could change a fucking life for the better and perhaps even enhance yours and I assume you have a wife, so taking on a little kid could better both of you.
I don't know I'm rambling but seriously do not make the decision hastily and ask the social worker if you can meet a few kids, most likely one will "click" and you will all just know.
Oh and, as far as the inspection and all that shit. The social worker is just trying to get a general impression of your intention and living situation.
Sorry to babble but I have strong feelings about this and was actually just thinking about it this morning.
Good luck dude, very fucking cool what you might do.
Big decision, could be the biggest one of your life. I'm getting kind of choked up thinking about it!

My neighbors have a little girl who they fostered when she was only a few months old. The real mother was in jail, father a meth head. The little girl is now 6 years old and she is amazing. They were able to adopt her after a bunch of bullshit. Just in the last year, they found out that this girls full-blooded little brother was in child protective services after they found him in the fathers house breathing meth fumes all day. My neighbors now have him and he couldn't be a happier little guy, especially since he's got a big sister that he never knew.

Unfortunately, the little dude hasn't been adopted yet. He's still in the system and his real dad is trying to get him back. I see these two kids on a daily basis and they have a stable, loving environment with two adults who take good care of them. The idea that the system could possibly put him back in the care of his real dad is mind-boggling. My neighbors are going to fight it tooth and nail, but the system has its ways. I hope for the kids sake, the right decisions are made.

I admire people who are willing to do this. I'm sure it's not easy, but I can imagine it's an amazing thing for the child to have a family situation that is better than the one they knew, especially if they didn't have one at all.

Good luck, Josh. You are a good man.

Very admirable of you and the wife, Josh. Best of luck!

My niece has been going through the process for over a year. It's a test, timewise..so make sure you know, it doesn't happen quickly, thats for sure. She's been at it for about 2 years now with the house visit part just being done a few weeks ago. They didnt even assign a case worker til more recently as well, and the lines of communication, at times are spotty at best. I think it weeds out the people weighing their options or allowing them to change their mind. That's the only conclusion I could come to with why it's taking so long in her case. She is also in the same state as you Josh, fyi.

Good luck though

Just don't turn into a baby hoarder. I knew someone who fosters cats and she wound up keeping a ton of the things. Place reeked like cat piss, it was awful, but I gotta imagine baby piss is far worse.

I have to remind myself to keep hydrated and fed, so keep some good habits for as I get older and stay healthy. it's weird how it works.

You have no idea how hard it is to restrain myself from posting a picture of Punky Brewster. This is a serious topic, and I won't do it. I won't, I won't!

We see a lot of foster kids at the youth shelter where I work, and a lot of them have a lot of issues. You could be looking at lots of money for medications, therapy, etc. There are also some kids that are pretty cool with shitty parents (we had a 16 year old white girl pregnant by her black boyfriend, and her upper class parents disowned her and signed her over to the Department of Social Services).

Also keep in mind that most people want the younger, cuter kids but there are lots of older kids that need love too. And that come with more issues because they've been in the system longer.

Good luck, and definitely take your time getting to know that kid first.

I meant to reply to this awhile ago, but the site was having issues.

Thanks a lot for all the feedback. There's a lot of helpful stuff here. A.C.E., thanks for taking the time to share your experiences. It made me want to do this even more.

Fuckin A.
That's the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.

We've had a little boy (now 15 months old) since the end of January. It's been a terrific experience, and my wife and I have totally fallen in love with him. Unfortunately, his biological mother has been deemed unfit to regain custody, and his father has signed over his rights. He's never going back to them. Instead, he's going to distant relatives in Chicago. We don't know how much longer he'll be with us, but it sounds like he'll be leaving sooner rather than later. We don't know anything about the people he's going to, or if we'll have any contact of any kind once he's gone. My wife is devastated, and I'm not doing great either.

We knew going into this that he probably wouldn't be staying in our home forever. We knew if/when he left that it would be very difficult and we did it anyway. What we didn't expect is that he would be shipped half way across the country to people we know nothing about. The class we took prior to getting a child stressed how hard the system works to keep children with their parents, or at least with relatives who are local. It came as a real shock to learn this wasn't going to happen.

Anyway, speaking for myself -- and I believe my wife would agree -- that we're glad we did foster care. We'll probably take a break for awhile, both to kind of heal and also because my wife is considering a masters program. I do expect at some point we'll do it again.

Sorry to get all heavy, but I needed to share, and didn't feel like Facebooking. You guys have had nice things to say and have shown interest since I first talked about it. Thanks.

Fuck you, Josh!


I kid, I kid. What you did is 100% amazing and commendable. For the past 15 months, you gave your faux son a solid, loving home.

We've only had him since the end of January, but it seems like a lot longer. As you know, kids grow and develop a lot in a short span of time. We've also nursed him through various minor illnesses and gone to countless doctor visits, a few ER trips, and even a minor surgery to get tubes in his ears for constant ear infections. He was basically an infant when we got him, but now he's walking around and doing cute toddler stuff. We're going to enjoy rest of the time we have with him, and hope for the best when he goes to his new home.

Again, I want to restate that I'm glad we did this, and I don't want to discourage anyone who might be considering foster care. It is a good thing, and there is a real need for people willing to do it. Just be aware that it can be rough emotionally.